This is not going to be a work of fiction, but instead an apology. I had every intention of posting today, but am struggling with myself far to much to offer a quality story tonight. Especially true since I had intended to do a ghost story. All of the difficulties life has thrown at me had been things I was handling with fair dignity, but with the death of my only remaining grandparent, I have fallen into a morose state.
I had hoped that the next time I was able to visit her, I could sit down and ask her all sorts of questions about when she was younger. That isn’t what is bothering me most though. This is the second time someone I cared about has died while I was away from where I grew up. Once again, I find myself in a situation where I couldn’t see someone dying while they were still alive and once again I am unable to attend the viewing or funeral.
Neither I, nor my children were able to say goodbye. Instead we are here. I feel responsible because in the end, I am. I’ve had no drive since I got the message of her death. I suspect it is going to keep getting worse until after the funeral. Regardless, I apologize for failing to uphold the steady flow of work here. While everyone may say that it is understandable, I do consider writing one of my jobs.
I would like to think that some part of that work ethic comes from her. In writing this, it is not just an apology, but a tribute to her in some small way. I may talk more about her and my other grandparents at some point in the future when the sting has subsided a bit.